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Well, at least I didn’t quite let
a whole year go by since my last real
blog entry of any kind. There are always so many thoughts and experiences I
could mention of course, general and specific, but right now I don’t feel the
need to be exhaustive; only to highlight and explain two of the absolute most
significant things I’ve learned and come to think/feel over the past whole
year, including recently:
DON’T STRESS OVER THE PAST, AND
OTHER THINGS YOU CAN’T CONTROL: This is one of the absolute best lessons I’ve
learned my entire life, and certainly has been one of the most helpful, in my
life long-term as well as on a day-to-day basis. But the odd thing is that I
didn’t even read a book or article on it, or hear a presentation or anything
else. It just sort of hit me all the sudden, late last spring. Oddly enough, in
the middle of the summer I did eventually hear it explicitly articulated at a
conference, but initially I just realized out of the blue that so much of the
frustration, stress, anger, sadness, regret and annoyance we have—from
long-term issues to the most minute of daily affairs—comes from things that are
either purely in the past, or else from present or future things over which we
have absolutely no control or even influence. Whether it’s being cut off on the
road, losing a loved family member, not getting a job, sounding stupidly
awkward on a phone call to a girl, doing badly on a test, or any number of
other things…if it’s in the past or in any other way is such that you can’t
control or influence it, it can and will never do any good whatsoever to stress
out over it. This doesn’t mean ignoring the respect and the beneficial
helpfulness of grieving a loved one’s death, or feeling sorry and compassionate
for a friend who’s in jail. But it does mean not continually letting those
things get us down, or fretting over something we can’t change. Can it be
beneficial to learn the most from them now, and even think and plan for how to best
help prevent similar things in the future? Of course. Should we pray about
things that happened, and about present and future things out of our control?
Absolutely! But neither of those responses necessitates, or is helped by,
worrying about the things we’re learning and praying about, or letting
ourselves get continually frustrated by them. Did I sound awkward talking with
her on the phone? Probably, but I can’t change that now, so just focus on
future encounters, possibly learn from that experience, and maybe even get a
bit of amusement out of it!  Did I jeopardize myself on that test by not
studying? Maybe, but do what I can to prepare better for the next one, and
don’t worry about that one in doing so—because even if it could have
hypothetically changed my whole grade, it’s in the past now and can’t change. Did
I deserve that job I didn’t get? Sure, but dwelling on it with self-pity,
regret or any other type of sadness won’t change it or help me learn anything
for future situations. This is really a life-changing principle when applied,
and when you start realizing it in minute, everyday situations, it starts to
get more natural, and eventually you find yourself so much more at-ease and
satisfied with all the events in your life in general, including major ones.
Furthermore, a joyful and humble desire and willingness to always be learning
and attempting our best makes complete sense in light of a grounded trust in
God’s providence—even when we don’t
end up attaining our best in situations.
COMMUNICATION: As my best friend
once put it, “I am a total dork and proud of it!” If you know me now, there’s a
good (OK, more than good) chance you also know that about me. But anyone who
knew me from sixth grade through sometime in the middle of high school knows I
could have given anyone a run for their money in a contest for most shy and
introverted. Before sixth grade, I was a kid often in my own little world, and
I would always speak my mind without a care in that world or the real one. Of
course, going from home school to the socially-interactive setting of a private
school in sixth grade subjected me to the perceptions and reactions of other
kids, and any normal kid would have soon recognized what an often-annoying
odd-ball I was then, as the kids in my first year after home school easily did.
The rejection and ridicule ended up making me much more cautious about what I
said before saying it, and it didn’t take long for that to go to an extreme—for
a few whole years, people probably thought it noteworthy when I would speak
more than a few sentences here or there, even more so whenever we were
introducing ourselves to new students visiting the school. I gradually started
to be more interactive as I spent more time with people my age, and in the
middle of high school especially, I ended up making a best friend and soon even
getting to the point of feeling more than naturally comfortable saying anything
again. But it was still far from that way around everyone, especially new
crowds—like the start of the college scene. It still always took me a really
long time to break into groups and find “my place,” or even get to know a
couple people at any more-than-surface level. But just over the last one or two
years, I’ve been able to get to the point where open communication with people
is usually second nature, in small or large groups or one-on-one, with
brand-new acquaintances or long-time friends. In addition to the process of
simply knowing some people more closely over time, I think a lot of what has
enabled me to get to this point is the above-mentioned principle, about not
worrying, stressing out over, or getting saddened or frustrated by things in
the past or other things beyond my control. So I realized that if I engage in a
conversation, or make a comment in a group discussion, even if it turns out to
feel awkward or even sound stupid, right away it will be something in the past,
and I’ll be able to learn from it and move on. And the more time you spend
looking at it in that way, the more practice you actually get in the midst of
the communication without having to worry about it or what others think, and
thus you’ll even continually get all the better at it over time. A few years
ago, when I was still much more private than I am now, I was talking with a
friend about how I wished I could just naturally be open and expressive without
a care, and that I wasn’t so introverted. He responded by mentioning a valuable
and wise thing, which was to remember that God had made me that way for a
reason. Looking back on it now, I honestly believe at least one of the reasons
God put and carried me through the long season of private, often nervous
introversion in my life is so that I now fully realize and appreciate the natural,
open communication with people for just how amazing it is. This has been
invaluable over the past year, in still keeping in-touch with a few good college
and church friends from Memphis, getting back in-touch with best friends back
at home here in Cincinnati, and beginning to make some brand new friends as
well, in a couple different groups and settings—one of which is the group of
brothers (male and female, lol) in the fraternity to which I’m pledging, Alpha
Phi Omega, a co-ed fraternity centered around service, as well as friendship
and leadership. All three of those themes overlap and work together in awesome
ways, in theory and in real settings.
Likewise, both of the main points
I’ve talked about here closely relate to each other, at least in my experience.
They sort of also both relate to perfectionism, and how I’ve been able to
escape the obsessiveness and perfectionism I used to have like the plague. Actually,
for anyone who’s familiar with the Myers-Briggs personality tests, I used to
test as an INTJ, but just recently tested as an ENXP. I will always place an
extremely high value on truth, and also haven’t forgotten the value of giving
things our best and even having an attention to detail at times, be it in
communication or various other matters. But those principles are a far cry from
worrying about things that either don’t really matter when we’re honest with
ourselves, or else are just in the past or otherwise out of our influence. So
let’s drink to living life freely and
to the genuine people we get to truly
know, serve and love throughout it!
Oh, and I’d be making a grave
mistake (lol) if I posted this blog entry for people to read and didn’t make a
plug for the first new album by singer-songwriter Steven Delopoulos in over three
years, “Straightjacket.” Solid yet diverse in the folk tradition, Steve doesn’t
shy away from the unexplored musically or lyrically, and writes poetry, stories
and reflections that are simply amazing in their mystery, imagery, meaning, and
amazing ability to relate. Check out his MySpace at http://www.stevendelopoulos.com and
his official website at http://www.StringsAndWood.com.
And while you’re at it, you might as well check out the local Cincinnati-based
alternative rock band Kissing Pat, too, for which a friend of mine is the lead
singer… http://www.myspace.com/kissingpat
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